"Um, why is your face painted...?"

So... today.  I have a clown gig.  Except, it's not just the run of the mill birthday party or church function.  Oh no.  Ms. Mary E. wanted me to deliver a fruit basket to her husband in the nursing home.  Now, Marty has dementia.  He does not know who anyone is.  I thought it was such a sweet gesture.  I go pick up the fruit basket and then drive out to Mary E.'s retirement building and meet her in the lobby to pick up a card for Marty before heading over there.  All the little old ladies sat in the lobby and cooed about how cute I was.  Of course I was cute.  Anything painted with pink hearts is cute, right?

They inform me that Marty loves the ladies.  Several times.  I assure them that I'll be cute and give him a hug goodbye, and then call Mary E. for a report when I'm finished.  So, mission initiated.  I arrive at Marty's nursing home, feeling pretty good about all the old people smiling at me.  It was by far one of the more rewarding clown experiences thus far.  I arrive to find Marty getting his nails filed by a a woman.  Obviously not a nurse.  The conversation went something like this:

Me: "Hello! How are you doing, Mr. Marty?" 

Marty: "Doing pretty good, whatcha got there?"

Me: "Ms. Mary E. sent this for you! Isn't it nice?"

Marty: "Yeah that's great! ... my ex-wife."

Me: *awkward pause*

Other Woman: "I'm what you would call the other woman."

Me: *another awkward pause* *forced laugh and obscenely large smile.*

What. The. Heck. Who introduces themselves to a stranger as "the other woman"?  Especially when said stranger looks like this:

Meanwhile, I run late for everything, so I didn't have time to change before class. Period.  I didn't even have time to pee.  So... I most definitely attended my last class of the year like this.  In addition, I was rockin' striped tights, a polka dotted skirt, hot pink tank top, and black patent shoes with bows on them.

Yeah. You wish you could be as cool as me. 

... and I wonder why I don't have friends.

Kidding.  

I have amazing ones.  Who even choose to walk around campus with me dressed like this.  Yeah, Ashley you're awesome.

Now... I will finally go remove paint from my face. 6 hours after I gave Mary E. my report.  

PS - She's fully aware of the other woman and asked me about her and talked trash on the phone afterward. Awkward.