Crossroads? ,

So I spend an inordinate amount of time planning my future.  My mom yells at me for this, because I'm sure it's exhausting.  I have tossed around cities and jobs and general life plans endlessly, praying and thinking and trying to get the next chapter of my life mapped out.

So far, I've looked at NYC, Chicago, Nashville, Raleigh, and Austin as potential destinations. 

Yes, I have even looked into Australia.  (Which is not entirely out of the running, depending on the results of the election in November...)

I've come to the following conclusions:

Chicago: Entirely too cold.  I don't do winter very well. I am not entirely sure I can grasp the concept that people actually function in single digit winter.  I would probably not work from November to April.  Snow on the ground is clearly God giving me permission to stay in bed. 

New York: Falls under the entirely too cold for a southerner category as well.  Not to mention the fact that I would die in the city.  I like to drive and play outside too much.  But B is there. And the job market is better.  

Austin: I know I'd do well in Austin. I'd love it. It's warm, dry, and full of cowboys and live music.  The issue? Proximity to ANYTHING I am familiar with.  Which may not be altogether a bad thing.

Nashville: Still not completely out of the running.  I'm pretty established here.  I have great friends.  It's a good place to live.  Well, at least Williamson County is.  But the job market here is pretty unfortunate, and I just don't think I can play this game forever.

Australia: Aussies are crazy. Although, I'm not entirely opposed to the idea of being a beach bum.  And I might pick up a sweet accent.

Let's face it... I'm going to end up back in NC.  So what the heck does that mean?  What will I do there?  Because once I get my $90,000 piece of paper I will not be waiting tables or changing diapers for strangers. The short story is that I have absolutely no idea what I'll do.  Honestly, I'm not the best at making life plans.  I change my mind daily.  I'm emotional about it, I sometimes let my forthcoming freedom and my curiosity get the best of me.  I get so excited about what I CAN do, and want to do ALL OF IT.  RIGHT NOW.

Basically I try to do God's job, without asking him what His plans are.  

A good friend of mine pointed out tonight that every time I go home, there is something different that seems to pull me back in that direction.  A different opportunity, a different relationship - something new every trip. She's right.  This pull I feel toward home isn't an accident.  

I've got to go where I'm being led.

When I Grow Up....

So what do you do when you what you think you wanted loses its appeal?

I've spent years thinking that what I wanted to do was come to Nashville and run this town. Over the past year priorities have shifted, circumstances have changed, and I now feel like I'm back at square one: What do I want to be when I grow up? Do I really want to claw, scratch and fight my way to the top of an industry that could bottom out in a week's time? Do I love it that much? I don't have an answer to that question anymore.

I took a test when I was in 8th grade - one of those career builder things or something, and it was supposed to tell you what you should be when you grew up.

I was a log roller. Probably a step up from packing up and deciding to be a music big wig.

What shapes our career decisions? I suppose some of it is circumstance... but working in music was a no-brainer for me. It's a passion - I don't know that I'd ever love anything else as much as the music industry. That's one of those things at the top of the list - "things parents never want their children to grow up to be". Maybe we think too much about what other people want us to be, and not about what God wants us to be.

It's strange to feel so unsure of myself - my career path has seemed pretty straight forward to me since I graduated high school. I suppose this is where God reminds me that I don't always know what's best for me, and that sometimes I just need to do what I do and trust him. He'll bring it together.