The memory is an amazing thing. Somehow, with as much as we put into our brains, as many things as we encounter and process every day, every second of our lives, we are able to clearly recall events, experiences, and people forever. Everyone has moments that they will never forget. Sometimes all it takes is a small reminder. A name, a smell, an emotion, or picture can send you right back to a place or moment. Sometimes, that moment is that last place that you'd ever choose to be. But once something sends you back to that place, it is impossible to ignore. I can't even begin to pretend that I've got this all figured out. What happens when you're back in that place? Where do I go from here? I don't know.
I do know that it hurts, and that these are the moments I would normally choose to run away. I'm getting better about that. Escaping is nothing more than a temporary fix - and it usually hurts worse on the back end. Delaying the healing process comes with it's own set of problems. I don't know what God's got lined up for me, but it's becoming more and more clear that Tennessee isn't in the plan right now, and now that I know that, I want to be done with this chapter. This summer is proving to be agonizing. I think that all He asks is that we do the best we can to hear Him. The listening thing is definitely something I have to work on. I'd rather sit there and discuss things and think and read and come up with ideas than just sit and hear what He's got to say.
So right now, my prayers are for stillness. For quiet, for moments of silence and focus. For direction - clarity. And -ultimately - healing. I know that things will work out. He always sees to that.