Wednesday, December 19, 2007


What a weird year. For the first time in a long time I'm not going to Pennsylvania. Am I okay with this?

Yeah, pretty sure it's fine.

I just get so stressed out this time of year. I only have one part time job right now, and am honestly not sure how I'm going to afford to go home in two days. I am not sure when Christmas turned into a big ball of stress and money problems for me... but I know I'm not the only one in this situation.

The focus just seems so wrong to me. Instead of focusing on friends and family and Jesus, I'm focused on my bank account. What a stressful way to live.

My family is not exchanging gifts this year, and I can't say that I'm disappointed. It will be nice to spend time together and not focus on who got what for who.

This is also the first year I have had to split my time between both parents. I'm definitely not excited about it. My dad's new "family" is nothing but a bunch of strangers to me. I don't know them, and it's going to be weird spending part of my holiday with them. However, he is my dad, and I've just got to try and salvage what little relationship I do have with him - and try really hard to get through it with patience.

On that note, where do you draw the line between including someone in your family and keeping distance? My dad has been dating Jonnie for a year and a half. They live together. But I don't really know her. The extent of my knowledge is pretty much that she was the girl my dad cheated on my mom with. I don't have any reason to like her, and on some levels I feel lik I'm doing pretty well speaking to my dad at this point.

Becca will be coming to visit while I'm there, and I'm definitely pretty pumped about it. I haven't seen her since Nov. 14th and I miss her like crazy! It will be great to spend time with her and all my other friends there.

1 comment:

Mariah said...

It is weird to not have you here for Christmas. Definitely strange.

I still don't talk to my dad, and I totally don't have anything whatsoever to do with Lisa, who is my dad's Jonnie. She's the woman my dad cheated on my mom with, then proceeded to leave my mom for, and lie to all of us about it. To this day, he insists he wasn't with her before he left, but he gets caught in lies still, constantly, so it's not like we can believe anything he says.

I think you have mustered an incredible amount of patience and forgiveness to be able to speak to your dad and have anything to do with their life together. By forgiveness, I don't mean total forgiveness. I don't mean you forgive your dad totally for what he did to your mom, and to your family, but rather, enough forgiveness that you don't allow it to eat you up and have no relationship whatsoever with your dad.... You know, like I am still doing, 5 1/2 years later.

We definitely miss you here. Come visit soon! You might miss this apartment altogether, since I think we're moving to Pittsburgh in a few months.